We all pile into my bed. McKenna pulls out the book reminds me that I promised two chapters. She’s on my right and Theo is on my left. George is to the left of him balancing precariously close to the edge of the bed.

We tried to do it in October. But a headache cancelled the event. At any other time, a headache would be dismissed as an inconvenience. But in Covid times, a headache could be the start of a super spreader. So we cancelled.

It’s been a year.

I have a new baby. He is 8 months old. And yet he has never been in a restaurant, store, playground, daycare, or anywhere else that wasn’t our home or the home of our beloved Great Grandpa. He has never seen another baby besides his own reflection in the mirror. He is so young yet I still wonder how these 8 months will have impacted his life far beyond what it is now.

My three year old has forgotten what it is like to play with someone who is not his sibling. He is timid yet a bully. He is a hesitant bull in a china shop…the worst kind if you ask me. He hasn’t stepped foot in a daycare center in nearly a year. His life revolves around what to watch on TV and his daily pajama refresh. I am certain this will have a lasting impact on him in a way that he probably won’t actually remember except in fragmented flashes. His future therapist will have a lot to work through.

And then there is my 5 year old who attempted to run away last year about a month into the stay at home orders leaving me a puddle of defeated tears. Her first experience with actual school has been fractured at best. She started out computer school excited and eager to learn. She had her very own computer and wasn’t that just the coolest? She now asks the dreaded question each day how many meetings do I have today? She is in kindergarten. She talks of meetings the way an executive does…scheduling out her day with a calendar and timers. And yet somehow she is thriving. She is learning to read and write. Her teacher is a true angelic miracle worker and I try to never pass up the opportunity to tell her so. I know this is not the typical experience for your remote learning kindergartener. But somehow she learning and I am grateful for that. She is currently going to school twice a week with the hope she will work up to five days a week in April. I am terrified and relieved simultaneously. We have learned not to tell her of school district plans because they are known to change at a moment’s notice. Literally. Sometimes just 24 hours after they have been announced.

My husband and I work from home mostly only going into the office when necessary or when we need to be able to work in quiet. We carved out a shared workspace away from the giggles and growls of three kids living an unnatural childhood cooped up within the four walls of our home. We have a trusted sitter who comes to watch the boys and facilitate remote learning with the big one. How she does it? Don’t know. It is wizardry and I will not be asking about it for fear I will then have to take over.

*shudder*

So there it is. The rundown reintro post. I was on the fence if I was going to participate in this year’s SOL. Last year I know I had copped out. It ended up being a daily list of the absolute most boring ordinary. I don’t want this year to be like that. So if I have nothing to say, I won’t be writing. My goal is 3x a week. I am putting that here for all to read so that I can be held to it. But I won’t be writing what essentially boils down to checked off to do list. So if that is all I have to say, I will be skipping that day hoping for some inspiration the next. I am a little excited to get creative again after so long drudging along with the complete mundane. I am excited to read some of my favorite writers again and see what everyone else has been up to over the last year. Are we all caught up in the same time warp or have others somehow broken free?

I aam writing for the 2021 Slice of Life Challenge.

I have been afraid to write this. I am embarrassed that it has taken me so long. I’m fearful that I will say the wrong thing….that I will say something that is unintentionally inflammatory. Please know, if I have, it is OK to call me out on it. It is the only way I can learn. Being silent is no longer an option. By staying silent, I am speaking volumes. I am becoming (or already am) part of the problem. I am saying it is OK when it is clearly not.

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This started out as a FB post. Clearly I had so much more to say.

Tonight was night one of McKenna being in the top bunk. She was in and out of her bed and room at least a dozen times. She’s a creature of habit and this change is big for her. The final time she crawled into bed with me and started sobbing.

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It’s been 31 days of writing. Eighteen of them have been while social distancing. I’ve learned a few things about myself, my family and even you.

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I woke up this morning from my week “off” due to spring break. Today I officially had to be ready to work and available for most of the day. The kids were still asleep when I reached for my phone to check the time.

Just before 7:00am.

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It’s late and I’ve got nothing to write about. All the days have blurred into one giant cluster of nothingness.

Everything is the same and nothing is changing.

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