It’s been a long and exhausting week. Pulling myself out of bed each morning has been an uphill battle. We’ve all slept in until the very last minute. We were absolutely hobbling into Friday.

The news came in this morning while I was swamped at my desk. A meeting at 11:30 and I’m woefully underprepared. I saw who was calling and immediately knew. Those calls don’t happen at work unless it is something like this. Last time he called me at work it was for similar reason. Just a different sad loss.

I’m waiting. We are all waiting. There’s nothing else to do but wait. They will be there, of course. But all of them? I hope so. Maybe I don’t. I don’t know. It’s hard. I know this. We all know this. There is no easy answer. Sometimes it’s better to not be there. Sometimes you can’t be anywhere else. It’s personal in that way.

I’m not ready. It’s all just so fast. At Christmas he was fine. I saw him. I laughed with him. We joked. Nothing was wrong.

It’s been a dull ache for two weeks or so. I’ve been taking quite a bit of Tylenol and Motrin. I thought maybe it could be my allergies or sinuses. I feel better when I’m sitting up vs. lying down. Then I thought nope—that’s not it.

Written a couple weeks ago. I had to sit on this one for a bit.

McKenna told me funny little tale. I sure do hope that her teacher actually found it giggle worthy and was not covering for some hurt feelings. I think it is also a pretty good reflection of her memories of me while pregnant with my youngest.

Every relationship has a story. Some are better than others. I like our story. It’s a good story.

This year there were no leprechaun trap projects from school. THANK GOD! I apologized for that last year. But my kids have it in their heads that the leprechaun visits like the damn Tooth Fairy or something. So I guess we are trapping again this year. 😩

We slept in a little. A bit of a strep throat hangover for Theo caused him to be a beast at daycare drop off. Three days on the antibiotic and he is finally on the upswing even if his meltdown says otherwise. They never seen him like that. They were completely shocked. “This is the real Theo,” I say while they stare in wide-eyed horror. He was screaming and kicking as if I was kidnapping him. I peace out as soon as I can peel him off me.