I’m not ready. It’s all just so fast. At Christmas he was fine. I saw him. I laughed with him. We joked. Nothing was wrong.

And then it was. All of it is just so wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was fast. That wasn’t how it was meant to happen to her either. Surely the they won’t have to go through that like we did. How could that possibly happen to another? But here we are. He’s always been so strong. But maybe he’s has been so strong for so long that it is time to rest. Maybe she is calling to him having led the way nine years ago.

I just want to get one more hug against his gruff cheek….to hear one more dry dad uncle joke. I want to reach out to all of them and offer more than my love and prayers. They deserve more than just that. But their privacy trumps all of it. They did it for us. We can do it for them. I understand it. We were selfish, too. We kept her to ourselves. We protected her privacy as they do his.

Decisions have been made. We pray that she is the one who comes to him and it makes it more peaceful. He deserves that. And they deserve that.