McKenna had been asking about Santa Claus for a while. It started the Christmas she was 7. Yes. That early. It was only 2nd grade. We kept saying…those who don’t believe, don’t receive.

It bought us a little time. We wanted one last magical Christmas before that part was forever gone. Sometime late last spring, she started asking me again.

It couldn’t possibly be just one man. I’m smart. I know numbers. And I know how time works. The math doesn’t work. 

You promised to always tell me the truth. JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH!  

This was screamed while just inches from my face.

I told Aaron we would have to come clean before she found out on the streets. Have you been on an elementary school bus? That’s where she learned the baddest of all the bad words.

It was the M word. If you’re wondering what the M word is, I was too. Just add an F after that M and I think you can figure it out.

Yes. She was in kindergarten. It was only a matter of time before we couldn’t control the Santa narrative anymore.

Last summer I took her out for a girls’ day. We went to an adorable tea house not far from home for a ladies’ afternoon tea. I asked her if she wanted to talk about that question she had been asking over and over and OVER again. I wanted her to really think about if she wanted to know the answer because it might make her want to ask more questions.

I don’t know. I think so because I want to know the truth. But I’m also afraid you are going to ruin my childhood. 

Dramatic much?

So I told her. I said that there isn’t one man who is Santa Claus. That Santa Claus is more of the idea of love and generosity. And anyone who wants to spread those ideas are welcome to be a part of the Christmas Spirit. Now that she knows the secret, she can be part of the Christmas Spirit, too…if she has love and generosity in her heart. But there is one very important rule.

You are never allowed to tell anyone who believes that Santa Claus is a real man that he is not the fat jolly fan in the red suit. You are not allowed to ruin the secret for any other kids whether they are younger OR older than you. 

So at Christmas, she helped me to put out of some of the gifts. She helped me pick out a gift or two for each of her brothers. A week or two after, she asked what I had been dreading.

So…what about the Easter Bunny, then? And the Tooth Fairy?

Same deal, kid. And I thought it was over. But then…

Mom. You know how Santa is just the Spirit of Christmas?  Does that mean that THE Leprechaun isn’t real, either?

Last year I wrote about how my kids seem to think that THE damn Leprechaun visits like Santa…bearing gifts. I blame the teachers. I can say this because I WAS this teacher. I have since apologized.

Yes, dear child. THE Leprechaun is not real either.

So now she is diligently planning how to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow by causing havoc all throughout the house…leprechaun style. Apparently THE Leprechaun is leaving a trail of gold coins, dying our milk and toilet green, and leaving gifts for all of them. Including her.

She tried to say that the Leprechaun was bringing her a bunny as a trick.

Um. No. Leprechauns are not allowed to gift animals. It’s against  Leprechaun Law. 

Oh really?  How do you know? Have you ever met a leprechaun, Mom?

I learned about it in teacher school. They taught us those things because leprechauns are infamous for causing all sorts of trouble in schools. 

She thought she was so smart. The traps are now set. The boys are heading to bed. We shall see what kind of mischief this little man brings.

Short film above brought to you by McKenna. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.