I felt the familiar pain start to creep in. Mid back just below the ribs on the right. Then a wave of nausea hit and I knew. Fucking kidney stone. My ultimate nemesis.

I took some meds to kill the pain and stop the vomiting that had already started. It worked. Until it didn’t. Then it was all night with a dull ache that grew sharper and more tender. I was vomiting up even the tiniest sips of water. I cancelled my Friday and turned off my alarm. No need to do that since I ended up not sleeping.

Around 8 I contacted my urologist. He suggested an x-ray and some labs. Only no office was going to take me if I was puking. Around 1, I called his office to give an update and request some help. I was told to go to the ER. Surely I was dehydrated which is exactly what you don’t want to be when you are trying to pee out a rock.

It’s been hours but we have some results. I have a giant 8MM obstructing stone on the left. That’s the pain causer. But surprise, it has an almost equally giant 7MM obstructing twin on the right. I was not expecting that. I also was shocked to hear that there’s a little family of tiny stones growing in each kidney.

What the fuck? Theo is truly the gift that keeps on giving. I passed 2 stones while pregnant. He tore up my uterus, exited with grand fashion with an emergency c-section cutting me open hip-to-hip, and now pregnancy induced kidney stones.

I passed two of those MFers while pregnant with him. But they were baby 4MM stones. Anything over a 5MM is considered impassable. So the doctors decide to keep me for observation. My white blood cell count is sky high. And my pain is intolerable when not medicated through the magic port in my arm.

I’m supposed to have surgery in the morning. I’m starving and hungry so I beg for some water and a shitty hospital turkey sandwich. You know the kind. They are the most delicious thing in the world after you push out a baby. The nurse obliges with with water but needs to find some food. I’m finally drifting off to sleep no longer with a desert in my mouth when the nurse comes running in to take the water away. They may take me for surgery tonight. It may be as soon as the next hour.

That was an hour ago. I haven’t heard a word since. My water is just far enough out of reach. I want it. It is taunting me. I was hoping for a night of groovy pain meds and trash TV before they remove these stones tomorrow morning. Maybe that will happen. Maybe it won’t. If it does, it’ll be without water and a sandwich apparently.